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Within My Heart


 Another chance?
 

About 9 months ago, I started chatting with a guy on IM. And this was during a bad time of my and "Peter". We talked for about 3 months and decided to meet. Since he is in the service and lives 5 hours away, timing isn't always that easy. But we chose a date, he went on leave for Christmas and went home to his families house.
Everything seemed fine until a woman called my cell phone wondering who I was. And why am I calling him for. She said they were married (and she's a liar) then changed her story to they were getting married. The next day I called his cell again and he answered so of course I don't own him or anything but do deserve a explanation of why this woman is calling me during the night. He says to me "Well I didn't expect for anything to happen, but I met someone and I want to be with her.
So fine... I never since then have I talked to him.
About four days ago he calls my cell and leaves a message that he was sorry. That the woman who called me was someone he knew most of his life. He wouldn't be with her in that way. But when I called he was drunk and in a dead sleep and wasn't sure what he even told me.
But he was truly sorry and if I wanted to call him. He then proceeds to tell me that he has been looking for my number because I changed my home number that week. I don't want some crazy woman bothering me. And he deleted my cell number also because of her. He says for almost 6 months he figured out how to get old numbers to appear on his bill and thats how he got it. And again was sorry.
So I debated with this for two days. Should I should I not call him.
Well I'm a too kind of a person and wasn't going to be rude and called. I only said hello and he just kept talking and apologizing. I never said to him that I forgave him. But again I really had no ties to him in anyway since we only chatted.
He asked me the day after that if we could meet because he knows, I know what I want in my life as in love and I'm a strong and loving woman from the things that I have told him.
So I'm not too sure. I'm afraid that he will be there one day and gone the next. He says he would never do that.
Then I have "Peter" thing that I am dealing with. And he sorta knows about him but not the entire deal.
But my mind is on one spectrum from "Peter" and now a new one with this one.
For me I think if I meet him and I like him it will do a world of good for me to get "Peter" out without all the hurt and pain. I am not using this guy if I meet him for a rebound because I really deserve someone in my life and want that. I am just not sure about it because of the long distance. And so on.
I just hope I don't regret once again. I don't have time in my life for regret. But I don't want to lose out on an opportunity of meeting someone new either.
I still have yet had that one last time with "Peter" that should be this week. It really sucks to end something. It sucks to be treated bad and I was the one he wanted to be with and so on and now he's resorting to his old life. I'm tired of crying but can't help the tears. I so wish we all could have a time machine and to be able to start over and make better choices or know what choices are the best and all of us to be happy in life.
I just know that I am a really good person .. loving kind and sweet. And I seem to be stuck in misery.
Why???
So another chance? Who knows.
Posted by Sheil at 8:44 PM - 6 Comments   Add a Comment  
 

 My, the , your and our.
 

My thoughts
My confusion
My tears
My heart...
In an uproar,I lost control.
The loss of my time
The loss of my pride
The loss of my confidence
The loss of my trust
The loss of my hopes
All gone, you took them all.
Your words
Your touch
Your promises
Your genuine self...
You deceived me, all fake.
Our love
Our love making
Our laughs
Our fun
Is now all a memory that I wish
was all a dream and in any moment
I will wake up and have my life back
and never knew you at all.
Posted by Sheil at 8:59 AM - 2 Comments   Add a Comment  
 

 Love lost...
 

You've taken my thoughts and love
You have given pain and tears
I lost time and my pride
You gained my all and my heart
I showed you all of this
You said that you did
Actions are more than words
You made me feel breathless and hopeful in the beginning
Now you make me feel hurt, sad and revengeful
You took everything away from me
And you want to keep everything the same from your past before me
While I am hopeless and alone
You want to be happy and content with the old life.
You should really do what you said you were going to do from the start, and not be a coward and leave me a broken heart.
You wonder why I want for her to know? Because I lost all and you should as well.
Posted by Sheil at 11:23 PM - 1 Comment   Add a Comment  
 

 Sensuality...
 

Sensuality ...
Arousing with desires
Sensuality...
Fulfilling any and all desires
Sensuality...
Erotic and Naughty
Sensuality...
Licking, sucking and biting
Sensuality...
Moaning and heavy breathing
Sensuality...
Sounds and feeling of wetness
Sensuality...
The tastes and smells
Sensuality...
Nasty conversations
Sensuality...
Being a Naughty dirty girl
Sensuality...
Hot wet nasty kisses of spit connecting ones lip to another
Sensuality...
Taking it anywhere and raw or with some hot saliva
Sensuality...
Feeling, holding, squeezing, sliding up and down his shaft
Sensuality...
Backwards, forwards, sideways, on your hands and knees
Sensuality...
Orgasm building... ecstasy
Sensuality...
Holding the feeling as long as possible
Sensuality...
Releasing orgasm ... moaning, words of pleasure, trembling and feeling wetness oozing
Sensuality...
Sexy, hot and delicious


Posted by Sheil at 11:13 PM - 7 Comments   Add a Comment  
 
 Meaning of the tattoo I want...
 

Within the past year, I have been wanting a tattoo pretty bad.
I have finally decided what kind of tattoo I will be getting in the next few months or so. I would like this at the base of my back or high on the outside of my thigh.
That is of a Chinese Cherry Blossom...I haven't figured out a personal design.
The meaning of this Chinese Cherry Blossom...

For the Chinese the cherry blossom is a very significant symbol of power. Typically it represent a feminine beauty and sexuality and often holds an idea of power or feminine dominance. Within the language of herbs and herbal lore of the Chinese the cherry blossom is often the symbol of love.

This is who I am in my soul and aura.
Posted by Sheil at 10:33 PM - 4 Comments   Add a Comment  
 
Pages:   1 2 3
   
  About Me
Author: Sheil
From New York, USA
Age: 39
 
This blog is about...
My thoughts and feelings, and to breathe easy again. Life, love and writings.
 
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